October 29, 2014

Complaints of the Future

Complaints of the Future“These three-day workweeks are really killing me. I can’t wait until it’s Wednesday.”

“I just hate it when my voice-activated home service system goes on the blink and needs a manual restart. It means I actually have to get out of bed!”

“I don’t know why, but somehow this new atomically engineered meat just doesn’t taste as good as the laboratory-grown meat I used to eat as a kid.”

“I really enjoy my sex robot, but I hate having to empty her semen receptacle.”

“You know what? Sometimes I wish I could drive my car by myself. I know it’s probably really dangerous, but it seems like it would be fun.”

“I am so not looking forward to this business trip. I hate sitting in airplanes, and my flight from New York to Tokyo takes a whole hour!

“Damn. It didn’t bother me so much when the water in this city was only ankle-deep. But now that it’s up to our knees, it’s really starting to annoy me.”

“God, I’m freezing! And I heard it’s supposed to go down to 96° tonight!”

“Is it even possible to find a decent-paying job anymore that doesn’t require the ability to speak Chinese?”

“God! My parents want to go to the Moon again for our family vacation. They keep telling me, ‘The view is so beautiful!’ Yeah, like, okay, I guess. But otherwise it’s so totally boring there!”

“For my 50th birthday, I really want to treat myself to one of those brain transplants into an 18-year-old clone of myself, but it’s so frigging expensive!”

“Will you look at her?! She just had her third brain-to-clone transplant. Who does she think she is? She looks younger than her great-granddaughter, for goodness sake! That’s just wrong.”

“My girlfriend’s really starting to get on my nerves. Constantly complaining. She reminds me of my 23rd wife.”

“I hate Windows 88.”

“I’m so tired of listening to my Dad tell me how great I have it compared to when he was a kid and he had to survive with only a 124mbps internet connection.”

“The prices they charge at the airport for food are outrageous.  A thousand bucks for a sandwich?!”

“What do you mean, do I have ebola? That’s a pretty personal question to ask on a first date, don’t you think?!”

“I saw ‘The Expendables 27’ last night. What a waste of money!”

“Shit! I’ve got to get a new imagining fabricator. Yesterday I wanted a new leather jacket. I turned on my fabricator and then pictured the jacket I wanted in my mind. I mean, I pictured it exactly as I wanted it. But then, when I opened the fabricator, the jacket it had made was the wrong color! I wanted dark auburn, and this one was more like dark chestnut. I was so pissed!”

“Everybody told me, ‘When you go to London, you have to visit the ruins of the O2 Arena.’  But, frankly, I wasn’t that impressed.”

“Are those Israelis and Palestinians ever going to stop fighting with each other?!”


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